I’m very upset rn

So we did the concept development for the book cover right, I’ve been trying to find locations for the photoshoot but to no avail.  I can’t find any that fits. It’s so hard.

giphy18

The book cover huq and I had planned out is the visualisation of the space where the main story takes place. If I were to change the space in accordance with the kind of locations I can get for the book cover, that means many changes in the manuscript throughout.

And at this point, I’m too damn tired to make another change in my manuscript. I’m deadbeat. 

I mean I still will if it’s a good change.

But I don’t want to change something like the colour of the freaking wall because the book cover has a different colour. Urghahshsbdusbdjjauwhxbsjsgodsavemeaixndidkduebdidkfofmfudnd.

I really like the concept of the book cover and I don’t want to change it either. But how!!!!

Huq’s like let’s do the test shoot first and then get things going. And I just can’t.

In most aspects of my life, I’m the ‘I’ll-cross-that-bridge-when-i-get-there’ kind of person, I might even be the ‘I’ll-burn-that-bridge-when-i-get-there’ kind of person. But I can’t do that with my writing. I just can’t. I need to have a gawddamn map of the island and I need to find that gawddamn bridge.

And I actually like this part of me that reveals itself when I’m writing. Because it’s me trying to work around things and because I am the creator of the story, everything that happens in that story depends on me. I have so much control in making things work when I’m writing. If I want something to happen, I can make it happen, so I need to becareful of what I’m going to choose to do. I like the part of me that works really hard to make an idea work. However, when it comes to other things like book cover designing, I lose that control. I can’t work around things – by myself at least. I neither have the expertise nor the money to create a gawddamn space that fits my imagination.

Grrrr.

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